he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
