When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
