so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
