Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will be naked everywhere
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
