Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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