there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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