I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
