I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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