Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But theres a keg here and me gusta
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
