Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i came on her dog
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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