i just made my gag reflex go away.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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