we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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