If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
