i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
