i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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