Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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