dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
