the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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