dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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