so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
