Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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