I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
