Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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