I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it glows. i had to have it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
