1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
