I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
