My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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