i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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