he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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