I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
