Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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