Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
only you would photoshop your dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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