I wish I could teleport
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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