you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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