i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
