No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize