You made me cry and you don't even care
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
