Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
