Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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