Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
