I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
