he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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