Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my shit smells like andre
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need water and some morals
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
