So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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