they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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