don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
