So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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