Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
