I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
