Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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