just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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