im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
