so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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