Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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