If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize