i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
