I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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