You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
