How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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