You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
