I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Someone shattered a urinal.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
