So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're not piercing ourselves today.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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