I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
