about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
