I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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