i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
