It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
