I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
