Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
