Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
