I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
