who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
